Previous

Page - 2

The Anger Process

The 'Anger Process' is a powerful way to release anger, as well as to learn from the source of the anger. Releasing your anger will work only when your intent in releasing it is to learn about what you are doing that is causing your angry feelings.
If you just want to use your anger to blame, control and justify your position, you will stay stuck in your anger. This three-part anger process moves you out of the victim-mode and into open-heartedness.

1. Imagine that the person you are angry at is sitting in front of you. Let your angry wounded child or adolescent self yell at him or her, saying in detail everything you wish you could actually say. Unleash your anger, pain and resentment until you have nothing more to say. You can scream and cry, pound a pillow, roll up a towel and beat the bed. (The reason you don't tell the person directly is because this kind of cathartic, no-holds-barred "anger dump" would be abusive to them.)

2. Now ask yourself who this person reminds you of in your past - your mother or father, a grandparent, a sibling? (It may be the same person. That is, you may be mad at your father now, and he is acting just like he did when you were little.) Now let your wounded self yell at the person from the past as thoroughly and energetically as in part one.

3. Finally, come back into the present and let your angry wounded self do the same thing with you expressing your anger, pain and resentment toward your adult self for your part in the situation or for treating yourself the way the people in parts one and two treated you. This brings the problem home to personal responsibility, opening the door to exploring your own behavior.

By doing the anger process instead of trying to control others with your anger, you de-escalate your frustration while learning about the real issue - how you are not taking care of yourself in the face of whatever another is doing or in the face of a difficult situation. Whenever anger comes up, you always have the choice to control or to learn.

Happy Learning Friends...

Concluded.

* Rabia Dhody is an MBA from University of Pune, and is currently working as HR Manager with Reliance Capital - Life Insurance Division.