Interpreting Employment Ads

 | February 01,2013 05:30 pm IST

 

Having difficulty finding the right words to convey just what your project is like when placing those recruitment advertisements? Here's a set of terms that may help!

Competitive Salary
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

 

Join Our Fast Paced Company
We have no time to train you.

 

Casual Work Atmosphere
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.

 

Must be Deadline Oriented
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some Overtime Required
Some time each night, some time each weekend.

 

Duties will vary
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

 

Must have an Eye for Detail
We have no quality control.

 

Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience
You are replacing three people who just quit in disgust.

 

Problem Solving Skills a Must
You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Your first task is to find out what is going on.

 

Requires Team Leadership Skills
You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.

 

Good Communication Skills
Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.

 

Self starter
You will get absolutely no support from management or your co-workers.

 

Fast paced environment
We need somebody that can tolerate a slave driving type A manager.

 

Highly motivated individual
We want someone who will put in long hours without extra pay.

 

Team player
We need a lackey and a yes-man with good organisational skills - our system is in chaos and we need someone to bail us out.

 

Some travel required
You won't see your spouse or kids for 6 months.

 

Flexible schedule
You are free to set your own hours as long as you are at work from 7:30 to 5:30 Monday through Friday.

 

Co-ordinate your work hours with your co-workers
You'll be working second shift.

 

Pay based on experience
We'll hire the cheapest worker we can find.

 

Stock options
We can't afford to pay you what you're worth so we'll give you this worthless paper.

 

Company bonus plan
Our company doesn't make a profit.

 

Comp time
We're going broke and can't afford to pay overtime.

 

Excellent opportunity for advancement
We canned the guy that would have been your boss, you'll be expected to do his job too.

 

Leadperson
You'll be doing your manager's job.

 

Review and pay rise every 6 months
You will be underpaid, we'll throw you a bone occasionally so you don't leave.

 

Contract to direct
We're too cheap to hire somebody with your experience, we'll bring you in as a contractor in hopes that you will like working here and be willing to work for less money.