The Dictionary

 | October 01,2013 04:40 pm IST

 

Cigrate: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!.

Marriage: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.

Divorce: Future Tense of Marriage.

Lecture: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!.

Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Classic: A book which people praise, but never read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth .

ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their Mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to bring an end to all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "See I am not injured yet!"

Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in Zero, Instead of the first letter in Opportunity.

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die Rich!

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you.