Words of Wisdom

 | January 28,2013 12:44 pm IST


DON'T waste money on expensive i-Pods. Just think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like, and hum that instead.

RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper-shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.
MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.
BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.
DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send it on its way.
To prevent PREVENT burglars from stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, just move it all back again.
CAR Thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
DEPRESSED People: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!', thus, saving money on paracetamol, etc.
MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
SINGLE Men: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
McDONALD's: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.