"Calling Dr. Jack The Ripper" (A One Minute Quiz to check your Self Esteem)

Ministhy Dileep | October 16,2010 04:20 pm IST

Self Esteem - this precious commodity is threatened by an awful variety of species every livelong day. (More so if you happen to be in B-School or a Corporate environment).

And just how well do you fare in protecting yourself against these viruses? I have designed this quiz based exclusively on personal experiences. Any similarity to any one dead or alive is very intentional.

 

What makes you feel like calling up Jack The Ripper and offering your head? Mark the response honestly and check your Self Esteem score:

 

1- When the dearest blood relative turns up from the US of A and starts comparing his salary, his wife's position in the social ladder, his grand flat, his Camry, his fabulous adopted country and your own measly job/ spouse/ house/ dog with those oh-so-smooth innuendoes.

You would:

Smile politely and ask him whether he had been to the dentist recently. After all, he seems to be talking his mouth off. (10 points)
Ask him very earnestly whether the dog took care of the kid. His wife and he being constantly on the move. (8 points)
Offer him/her a nice glass of nimbu pani. And after he has drunk half of it, tell him that your area is infested with cholera. (6 points)
Feel like hell as he gabs on. Glare at your hapless spouse/ dog/ kid. Swear to sue your parents who had arranged the marriage for you. In case they are in Heaven, promise yourself that you will not light the agarbati next to their photos. (0 points)

 

2- When the sales-girl/ guy yawns on seeing you and drawls that the shoes for your size, probably don't exist in that shop.

You would:

Ask him/her whether his/her father was in the dog-catching business. For she seems to have grown up with a lot of ill-mannered curs. (10 points)

Ask her if the shop has a shoe size small enough to fit her brain. (8 points)

Ask him/her whether you could take a snap. To give a warning in the newspapers. (6 points)

Feel like the lowest worm that ever crawled into a shoe. Apologize to her for wasting her time and watch the superior smirk lighting up the face. And pay the electricity bill. (0 points)


3- When the classmate who used to torture you in school, meets you after twelve years, and comments on the fact that your figure has bloated beautifully.

You would:

Ask her whether she still ate nails for breakfast. (10 points)

Smile profusely and offer to enter her name in the competition too. After all, she just might make you a mere runner up. (8 points)

Ask her whether she hadn't read about fat being the sign of contentment. Oh, how would she know, she being divorced for three years? (6 points)

Go through a mild depression cursing the fact that she still made you feel like a nasty slug. Although you have a PhD to your name and she stopped studying after class twelve. (0 points)


4- When the nasty coterie in the workplace shake their heads at the proposal you have just presented (and you know very well that it is brilliant).

You would:

Start grinning to yourself and when they look up quizzically, say, "Someone told me hyenas didn't hunt together." (10 points)

Comment that Drucker once said (he never did) no proposal was worth it, if everyone agrees. (8 points)

Thank them enthusiastically, for the new Japanese management Guru says, shaking heads is the best sign of appreciation. (6 points).

Blaze out angrily. Choke and sputter as they start grinning evilly at one another. The boss has just noted "Poor team player" in your appraisal. (0 points)


5- When the platinum and chiffon bedecked mother of the bride calls out to you across the hall and loudly trumpets," You know my Kavitha is with Coca-Cola. What are YOU doing?' (Knowing very well that you are not working).

You would:

Reply politely, "I am drinking it, Aunty." (10 points)

Tell her with a wink, " I am co-authoring a book on Predatory MNCs with Medha Patkar." (8 points)

Say with a shrug, "Aunty, I just quit my Regional Manager post with Pepsi to become a homemaker." (6 points).

Hide behind the awful orchids. Apologize lamely that you are a "mere" housewife. Howl at the kid. (0 points)


6- When the over-smart, hyper-sophisticated coterie, in B-School, starts correcting your pronunciation in-between the Marketing presentation.

You would:

Grin at the rest of the class, turn dramatically to face the coterie and ask, "You know the correct pronunciation of EVAPORATE?" (10 points)

Turn to the hapless Professor and demand, "Sir, such species will be there in the work place too?" (8 points)

Turn to the rest of the class and ask in a long suffering tone, "Any one else from Doon School in here?" (6 points)

Loose concentration, loose the flow, and apologize for your "Indian"accent. On banging your head later in the bathroom, remember the excellent repartee that both Abdul Kalam and Kasturi Rangan speak your style of English. (0 points)

 

SELF ESTEEM INTERPRETATION SHEET

49-60 Your Self Esteem is sky-high! You are also on the way to becoming a particularly horrid barracuda. No one will mess with you. And you will probably give Jack the Ripper, a depression.

36-48 Subtly smart, you know the fine line between aggressiveness and assertiveness. Very healthy amount of self-worth and self-respect. And above all, you have the gift of laughing at yourself. Ever tried to be a counselor?

0-35 Dearie, join the club. We, the Unassertive Anonymous, will willingly share our woes with you. Lets go and show our collective heads to that brand new counselor - Jack whatzisname. He is nasty, you say?

.

   
Ministhy S. is PG (PM&IR) from XLRI-Jamshedpur, and currently, an IAS officer working in the UP cadre. She has written five books - 'Unequal Equations', 'Learning with Tippy Tortoise: Tales for Kids', 'Happy Birthday: Poems for Kids' and a novel published by Dronequill Publishers, Bangalore....

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Comments


Ramakrishna Prasad. K on 10/20/10 at 02:57 pm

Yeah u need to use the sense-o-humor to counter Jack, the ripper.