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Why do we indulge in Self-pity?
It all starts with leaving your homes, families and coming to the hostels to stay with people who are more or less your age and possess some kind of idiosyncrasies or other like you. Now this is comparable to any kind of hostel life. What aggravates the self-pity is the fact that there is a lot of pressure on the time and many a time we forget to live with ourselves. We are always in a classroom or doing projects in groups and then making presentations. Too much of social behaviour also takes its toll on us. We should always keep a regular outlet for our very own and personal energies and feelings. You yourself can be your best friend only if you have been continuously nurturing yourself, your emotions and feelings.
Why do suddenly shut ourselves up?
As I said too much of social living takes its toll on us. The situation is tolerated unless we cannot take it anymore and the frustration that has built up in us all this while, finds a vent in the form of completely shutting yourself up for one or two days. And then we are ready to take it, all over again. These days can be very killing for some people who are not strong enough and who instead of looking for meaningful vents indulge in self-pity which leads to depression and sadness (which does not have any logical basis). So we need to build some kind of hobby, which is very personal like reading, painting, and yoga. Believe me there is no such thing as 'no time for such things'. After all you yourself are the most important person for you. And if the priorities are set right there is going to be enough time to pursue these interests for at least one hour everyday.
Why is the friendship so erratic?
Why is this graph so erratic when all we know is that it was never like this before? We have always had school friends and friends from college with whom it never used to be so complicated. We all forget to realize that people come to management schools for professional reasons. The choice of selecting a B-School and then taking admission is a very conscious one and more often than not is owned by the person himself/herself. This is not so in the case of school and college. Our schooling decisions were made by our parents. And we live with those decisions instead of questioning them and therefore we can pay more attention to the road rather than the destination. But in a management school it is totally different since we are always worried about the ends, which are placements, grades etc. Friendships have to be very enduring to rise above all these 'sought after ends'. But then where is the time? I am not denying that there do not exist long-lasting friendships in B-Schools. All I am saying that it will take that extra effort. So do not get discouraged if till now you have managed to add more people to your enemies' list rather than the friends' list. It is quite natural. You are not surrounded by selfish and mean people. They all have goals to meet and if you are being an obstacle then you will be diplomatically removed from the path.
Why do I get stuck with people who have an insatiable appetite for perfectionism?
Have you seen people who get down to each and every detail of each and every thing and sure they get on your nerves too! Generally these people were brought up in strict family atmospheres where everything has a 'proper' place and there are sacred rules for performing tasks as mundane as serving food into a plate or for that matter switching on the television which if done in any other way comes in the way of the tradition of the house. This generates a habit of doing everything absolutely perfectly the first time round. And God save you if you are working with any such person, because until unless he/she is satisfied with the things you cannot take a break. And the result is not necessarily 'perfect'. It is just an over 'looked into' matter. Please understand it is difficult to change such behaviour. Questioning their way of working will only mean inviting their wrath upon yourself. Just try to stay clear. If you do need to work with them, try dividing the work and work in 'geographically separate' places so that you have enough energy to take all that perfectionism during the integration stage.
I have tried my best to provide answers to the questions in this article based on my own experiences. However, the fact remains that even the best psychologists haven't been able to figure out what makes us tick. So the questions might remain questions but at least I have got you thinking.
Shana Sood
PGP 2
Xavier Institute of Management
Previous..Psychology.
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